Groaners.. We all get 'em-

[Rich]

The phone rings and the lady of the house answers,

'Hello'.

'Mrs. Ward, please.'

'Speaking.'

'Mrs. Ward, this is Doctor Jones at the Medical Testing Laboratory.
When your doctor sent your husband's biopsy to the lab yesterday, a biopsy from another Mr. Ward
arrived as well, and we are now uncertain which one is your husband's.


Frankly, the results are either bad or terrible.'

'What do you mean?' Mrs. Ward asks nervously.

'Well, one of the specimens tested positive for Alzheimer's, and the other one tested positive for AIDS.
We can't tell which one is your husband's.'

'That's dreadful! Can't you do the test again?' questioned Mrs. Ward.

'Normally we can, but Medicare will only pay for these expensive tests one time.'

'Well, what am I supposed to do now?'

'The people at Medicare are recommending you drop your husband off somewhere in the middle of town.
If he finds his way home, don't sleep with him.'

[Rich]

The other night I was invited out for a night with 'the girls.' I told my husband that I would be home by midnight, 'I promise!' Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easy. Around 3 a.m., a bit loaded, I headed for home. Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hall started up and cuckooed 3 times. Quickly realizing my husband would probably wake up, I cuckooed another 9 times.

I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution, in order to escape a possible conflict with him. (Even when totally smashed...3 cuckoos plus 9 cuckoos totals 12 cuckoos=MIDNIGHT!) The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in, and I told him 'Midnight'. He didn't seem mad at all. Whew! Got away With that one!

Then he said, 'We need a new cuckoo clock.' When I asked him why, He said, 'Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then
said, 'Oh shit! ', cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another 3 times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then fell over the coffee table and farted.'

[johnnyqb]

GROAN ...... and ...... GROAN (pretty funny)

[chris]

What do you get when you cross a pen15 with a potato?




A dictator!

<GROAN>

I forgot about our auto-censorship software...going through the list of censored words is a good way to expand one's vocabulary.

[martyb1]

What happens when you drop a piano down a mineshaft?






You get A flat minor (boo,boo)

[chris]

*The Polite Way to Pee**

During one of her daily classes, a teacher trying to teach
good manners, asked her students the following question:

'Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young
lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?'

Michael said, 'Just a minute, I have to go pee.'

The teacher responded by saying, 'That would be rude and impolite.
What about you Sherman, how would you say it?'

Sherman said, 'I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom.
I'll be right back.'

'That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom
at the dinner table.'

'And you, little Eddie, can you use your brain for once and show
us your good manners?'

'I would say: Darling, may I please be excused for a moment?
I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom
I hope to introduce you to after dinner.'

The teacher fainted....